!

ive moved!

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 21:33:21 GMT

add me at my new home

a_holic

bye bye niko_mcfeeko

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 17:57:22 GMT

id just like to say a huge thanks to everyone who contributed to my creative project :)

if i get an A, you can all feel proud that you contributed to it. however if i fail...i will be tracking each and every one of you down to crusify you. ahaha!

im just kidding friends...i would never do such a thing..

last request for help

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 23:08:06 GMT

between now and tomorrow, can everyone visit my fake journal and do some commenting? please please please!!

its due tomorrow at 5:30, so whatever anyone can help me out with would be great :)

thanks so so so much

http://www.livejournal.com/users/bjeanbaby/

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 02:28:10 GMT

another post at

http://www.livejournal.com/users/bjeanbaby/

thanks so much to everyone whos been helping me out with this :)

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 02:57:55 GMT

another post at

http://www.livejournal.com/users/bjeanbaby/

thanks :)

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 20:45:59 GMT

another post at http://www.livejournal.com/users/bjeanbaby/

i know these are comming fast and furious, but i am so bogged down with work right now so im freaking out a little..or alot..whatever.

thanks again for everyones help

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 23:47:46 GMT

another entry to be commented on at:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/bjeanbaby/

thanks so much :)

Mon, 28 Feb 2005 20:01:00 GMT

hello everyone

ive come to ask your help

for my contpemorary literature class i have to create my own piece of contemporary literature. so...i have chosen the form of a blog(big surprise..).
what i need your help with is pritty simple. all im asking you all to do is comment. whenever i post an entry in the fake journal i will leave i a link in here so that you can comment.
i will be using your comments as a part of my project.

i would just like to state however, that this other journal is based on truths and experiences but in no way does it exemplify my real opinions or thoughts. if i say things that are offensive, dont hate me..im just trying to make the work interesting. but do feel free to counter attack me by all means necessary.

please keep all comments true to what has been written in the journal. dont refer to this one, beucase for all literary purposes these two journals must remain completely separate.

thank you for all of your contributions in advance :)

and i have made my first post, so feel free to comment at:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/bjeanbaby/

WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! i hate school

Tue, 22 Feb 2005 00:25:04 GMT

i hate everything about university. more than ever, im thinking i should have gone to college. id like to be learning things that are practical.
i think after im done at the hell hole(york) that im going to go to college. i really want to do fashion. really really REALLY badly.
my mom said to me today: 'so you're not going to be a teacher?' i couldnt tell if she was dissapointed or not. maybe just shocked. i told her i want to be a fashion designer. she said that its a hard industry to get into..and i know that. but i also know that if i dont at least try im going to regret it. and even if teaching is something that still interests me, im not going to be able to go into it full force beucase my mind will be focusing on what i COULD have done. and i dont want those feelings.
so...
i think thats what im going to do.
ill have to take a year or so and work full time to pay for it, but it will be worth it.
thinking of this today made me really really happy. happier than ive been in a while.
still, for now ive got to finish what ive started.
doesnt that just put a damper on things..

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 21:36:49 GMT

gotta love those moods where you have a million things you should be doing, but you sit around doing nothing for hours on end. i am so lazy.

i have like 5 essays i could be working on, but instead i will sit here typing incessent garbage, watching much more retro, and generally just being the lazy jerk that i am.

i got the split ends cut out of my hair. yay!

i really really want it to be summer. im done with this winter shit. its been nice and sunny alot latly, but its still as cold as a witches tit. and thats cold.
oh god...air supply is on tv. oh god. oh god. oh god.
..oh god in a bad way.

im going to see motley crue on wednesday. fuck everyone who just laughed at that. tommy lee could kick all of your asses at once. and vince neil could fall on you and do some real damage.

OH, contrary to my disdain for most new music these days, as well as my utter contempt for 'the scene', i saw some rilo keily(or however you spell that) video today...and i actually liked it. the song was catchy, and the lead singer is so cute and i love her hair. ok, i said it. and its done now. so i will go back to hating the new.

im wondering how i used to be able to waste like 6 or 7 hours just sitting at the computer. i sit here for like 20 minutes and i get bored. im bored.
i want to cook something, but something quick...that doesnt require alot of effort..or moving of any kind..

im going to stop boring my readers(that is if i have any left after reading this crap) and go..do...uh..some..thing..

thank god for vitamin C

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 22:03:41 GMT

this morning i woke up an actually said out loud, 'i hate my life'. and i actually believed what id said for a good two hours. i went to take a shower, and was like why bother. i was straightening my hair and gave up half way through. i had absolutly no motivation to exist this morning. i seriously wanted to crawl into a ball and die.
so rather than wollow in my own self pitty(which i do so well), i decided to take some vitamin c to see if it actually works.
it sort of does.
i was still in a bad mood, but i didnt feel like offing myself anymore.
i dont know what is actually causing my anger today. nothing really happend. just one of those days perhaps. the weather really sucks too. also i agreed to work tonight and i really super dont want to. and now wilson phillips is on tv.

urge to kill...rising..

it gets worse as the days go on

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 21:56:22 GMT

everyday, more and more, i wake up feeling like i dont belong. that i need to escape. i was to draw further and further from all the things that were once familiar and comfortable. i want to move away so badly. i mean, i always said i wanted to...but this time i really mean it. i need to get out of here.
but i dont know if that will be enough
just a change of space

i think i need a change of time

ive said this before, and ill say it again..i NEED to go back to 1970. i dont belong in this decade. i dont feel satisfied by what the world has produced in the last 20 or so years. music sucks these days. how is it possible that we went from LED ZEPPELIN to hillary duff? honestly. or even all those other garbage bands(my chemical romance, death from above, simple plan?) come on. to even categorize these bands with the likes of zeppelin, queen, simon and garfunkel, jimi hendrix, is blasphemy.
music today has no soul. its not that these people cant put together a peice of music...its just that there is no emotion. you cant tell me that you get the same, or even similar feeling listening to 'ramble on' as you do listening to 'welcome to my life'. what has happened to people? to musicians? WHERE HAS ALL THE GOOD MUSIC GONE!?!?!
im so disillusioned(:P) life has become so hollow.
thats why i think moving will rekindle some sort of love for this world. who knows. maybe it wont. maybe i am doomed to live in longing for a time that had passed long before i was even a thought in anyones mind.

or...i will have to aquire the knowledge necessary to build some sort of time travel device in order to transport myself back to the 70's.
wish me luck

almost famous

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 20:59:42 GMT

i dont know if anyone does this on a regular basis...but have you ever noticed that when you search google for pictures of celebrities that more than half of the ones that come up are pictures of random people dressed up like that celebrity?

...well i have.

i was looking today for pictures of elton john, so i can make a new layout for this thing, and i found all sorts of pictures of these people, who look NOTHING like elton, dresses up like him.

why do people do that? why do they dress up like famous people? do they think that they are somehow closer to being famous by looking like a star?

anyways, point is.. no one looks like elton john, EXCEPT the rocket man himself. but thank you too all the people who would disagree...i had a good laugh.

on a somewhat related note
ive got 4 pictures of Rolling Stone covers with Elton John on them, and i was trying to make them into a kind of collage for my backround, but obviously failed horribly. so i ask anyone out there if they could help me accomplish my task. if you would like to help, leave a message in here and ill send you the pictures and you can have a crack at it.

...i wish it was 1973

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 15:45:05 GMT

merry belated christmas everyone

hope it was a good one

mine was :)

and to a year that will be better than the last
enjoy family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, co-workers...etc.

and smile :)

elton john is my hero

Sun, 12 Dec 2004 21:46:35 GMT

missed the play today. all the pay-what-you-can tickets were sold out. it sucks. i really wanted to see it.

the mod club was good yesterday dispite the lack of friends. also dispite the horrible smear campaign playing a set. i also managed to navigate us home whilst intoxicated. i rule.

i had pritty much the whole weekend off, and ive done nothing. that also sucks. i hate when i have time off and i do nothing. it feels like such a waste, since free time does not come easily. i really wanted to see that play...god damn. the streetcar driver was good times though. he was talking shit to everyone who got on.

the weather right now is balls. its not snow, but its not rain. or freezing rain. its just crap. and i had to go to the craft store and it took fucking for-ev-er beucase people become retarded when it rains/snows/sleets etc.

i think im going to do some reading since i told myself id get a book ahead in each class over the break
posee out

everything is not good

Sat, 11 Dec 2004 22:56:45 GMT

i hate everyone
everyone

i feels so unwanted. i feel like absolute shit. i just want to crawl into my bed and never get out.
im not making an effort with anyone anymore. i dont care about anything. no one cares about me, so why should i care about anyone.
im just so sad. i dont think im meant to be with people.
fuck
i am so sad
im messing up my make-up with tears.
i am so fucking sad.

HOLY CRAP ITS MY BIRTHDAY

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 17:56:53 GMT

soooooooooooooo.....19 eh? the big 1-9...the old 19...the super-duper...yah, ok thats enough.
so i can drink legally in the fine country of canada. exciting. it will be nice to be able to go out and be able to have a drink or 2 without having to make someone else buy it for me.
i actually cant believe im only 19. i feel like im like 900. most of the time i dont even remember how old i am. i dont remember how old anyone is. what is age anyways?
i need to find a good place to go for dinner tonight. i want to go downtown, but somehow i dont think the weather is going to co-operate with my plans.

I AM DONE SCHOOL FOR A MONTH THANK FUCKING GOD! i had my last exam yesterday which i wrote in 25 minutes. ha! am i a champ or did i fail miserably? ahahah...we'll find out in january.
today is the first day in months that i havnt had to wake up to do something. i have the WHOLE DAY to do ABSOLUTLY NOTHING. and yah...its not even 1 and im already bored. im back to work tomorrow at 8, and ill be working full time hours for the next month. fun fun.

friday i think im going to some hard rock bar in oakville with mike. i hope there will be a lot of old men with long hair there. saturday i dont know what im doing, but i was thinking the MOD club with everyone. but i still dont know how to get there or back, because im sure as hell not driving on my birthday weekend.

so yes. happy birthday to me :)

Fri, 03 Dec 2004 00:20:03 GMT

i am so annoyed and i have no idea why. well...i sort of know why. fucking work sheduled me next saturday when i BOOKED IT OFF! also this saturday i am working until 10:30pm and i was told i would not have to work that closing shift again, yet what am i working next saturday, THE DAY I BOOKED OFF!?!? 10 GOD DAMN 30!! now really this shouldnt really bother me that much becuase, well, work is fucking stupid, and im just going to go in tomorrow and get it straightened out...but im still really irked. im stressed out about something, i just dont know what it is. and so im blowing up at like everyone. i just yelled at my parents and mike. and i feel bad because they didnt do anything. im being a jerk. i can be a real fucking jerk sometimes..most of the time..all of the time. i need to make a resolution to stop being a jerk.
its a defense mechanism, and i know that. woo! i have recognised my problem. a step in the right direction.

battle of the sexes

Wed, 01 Dec 2004 19:53:57 GMT

an age old battle i know, but its funny that is still resonates today in a world where we would all like to believe that we are all on a level playing field. its like women will never understand men and men will never understand women. each of the sexes spends so much time being angry with the other because we just dont understand how each other thinks. and i dont think its a case of not wanting to, becuase i think weve all tried at one time or another, its as if it simply isnt possible. like our brains and hearts fuction in totally different ways and we dont even know how to articulate to one another how we are feeling because it cant even be put into words. because they are just feelings that can only be understood when felt.
so maybe we wont ever totally understand each other, but for now i guess all we can ask for is a little patience. to talk, and explain and wait our turn to be heard. though we may never understand, communication is a must.
i just want to talk, even you can only pretend to understand how i feel. and be patient when i cant find the words.

life can be so frusterating

i am the greatest person ever

Wed, 24 Nov 2004 15:30:49 GMT

i love when people get offended by what i say.
as if i make such a huge imapct on this world

i think everyone is wrong except for me, and if you dont agree...well thats nice..

i probably dont like you anyways

and please, dont anyone bother leaving comments in here telling me im a selfish prick
becuase im already fully aware of that

thank you and goodnight

NICOLE IS YOUR GOD!
HAHAHAHA

MY KITTY IS HOME!!!! :)

Tue, 23 Nov 2004 23:57:27 GMT

i am so happy :) a lady found him wandering around up by sobeys at 10th line and thomas. his collar was off and so his tags were gone. the lady brought him to the vet and they called my mom at work. my mom called me when i was at school and i almost started crying because i was so happy.
im glad there are still some good people out there

im so happy my ferris is home :)

fuck

Fri, 19 Nov 2004 00:26:31 GMT

so my cat is officially missing. hes been gone since monday night.
all i do is think about where he might be.
ive driven around looking for him, walked around my neighbourhood calling his name. today i put up signs.
i dont think anything bad has happened to him. i think someone has him in their house, knowing it or not.
i just really want him to come home :( my poor kitty...i miss him so much

:(
ferris come home

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 23:59:01 GMT

this is the week from hell
i want to sleep for the rest of november

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
fuck

avoiding doing work

Thu, 11 Nov 2004 22:20:12 GMT

ive been listening to pink floyd too much. its fucking me up. all i want to do is sit in a dimly lit room and smoke myself retarded. and listen to floyd of course. im listening to them right now and trying to write an essay. ha...this is going to be funny.
all in all your just another brick in the wall. yah. damn right..
fuck..ing..ba..ck..to..the...work..
and ooh oohh look!! i updated again! exciting...

i never update

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 18:08:48 GMT

im at school. people are looking at me annoyingly becuase instead of doing actual work on here, like everyone else is...i am sitting here updating my journal. yah well..f you all. well i am sort of doing work. in between thoughts on here. i have 4 essays, 2 presentations and 3 exams all within the next 3 weeks. so that is why i sit here NOT doing them. no..actually the real reason is i forgot all my books that i need to make my essay outlines at home today. yah..i suck. im trying very hard not to get stressed out so i just dont think about the piles of work i have due. yes..i am smart.
today is my brothers birthday. i need to go buy him a card.
people are looking at me very angrily...let me pretend to do some work
eliot's 'the waste land'? someone help..please..
poets are assholes. they think theyre so smart
IM SMART, and your poems are BS
i havnt skipped class yet this year. i think im going to. next week. i have so much work to do. god...i hate school. with such a firey passion.
more random thoughts please...
.i want to learn new productive things. no more school bs. i want to learn REAL things
.i want to go away. i dont know where. i just want to go away from lots of things right now
.my life is not difficult at all, and i know that. just thought id state that
.i am happy with myself even if no one else is happy with me

i i i i i i i i. yes, good, i can be selfish in here. its mine

why is it that im always on the outside looking in, and still have no desire to be 'in'..

i am such a loser. can you tell im an english major? right there...right above...the art of bullshit. isnt it wonderful?...so why arnt i getting A's?
discuss
ahhhhhhhhhh.......riiiight
ok
back to work..ish